Tuesday, November 19, 2013

a stronghold in times of trouble

inspiration: an incredibly tough season

a few months ago, the Lord put the words "fortress" and "stronghold" on my heart. i began pouring through Scriptures and i wrote down about 18 different verses. and i'm glad i did. in this very moment, i'm reading over these words and these are truly words of life.

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
    a stronghold in times of trouble. -Psalm 9:9

The name of the Lord is a strong tower;    the righteous man runs into it and is safe. -Proverbs 18:10 

The Lord is my light and my salvation;    whom shall I fear?The Lord is the stronghold[a] of my life;    of whom shall I be afraid? -Psalm 27:1 

i should be over-the-moon with happiness about this season of engagement and wedding planning and marriage. and i am. i'm so blessed by Holden every day and so thankful for his love and compassion for me; so thankful for his willingness to lead me and to walk with me through all the hard moments. like now. my mom is back in the hospital with pneumonia; worry and anxiety surround my dad and me when this happens and it's hard to be two states away during times like this. the reality of her health and the progression of her lung disease is on the forefront of everyone's minds. my mom and i haven't had the strongest of relationships; but it's still difficult to face reality about everything. if you don't know, my mom has two major lung diseases and has been in ICU several times over the last three years and it's gotten progressively worse. she's been on oxygen full-time for almost two years and anytime she is admitted to the hospital with pneumonia, it's a very trying time that takes its toll on our family.

so much has happened over the last couple weeks that has frustrated me and really shaken my faith. not all big, but definitely enough to humble me, to say the least.

i'm confused - "why now? why me?".
i'm anxious - "what's going to happen? what if...?" 
to be honest, i'm even a little mad - "of all the times for this to happen...a 24-year old shouldn't have to worry about if their mom will be at their wedding. it should just be a given that she's there...".
but i know the Lord is in control.

little by little, i'm handing over everything to the Lord. i give my questions to him because i know worrying won't help.

Count it all joy, my brothers,[a] when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. -James 1:2-4

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.  -1 Peter 5:6-7

please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers. 

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