Sunday, February 3, 2013

"search me..."

inspiration: Psalm 139:23-24

this is a brief prayer journal entry i wrote a couple days ago.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
-Psalm 139:23-24
This month (January) has been a huge month of growth for me. i began it with a 21-day fast and while my eating habits have gone back to what they were before (although, i am consuming less soda, sugar, and processed foods), there are prayers that i'm still circling - especially at work.

i came across this scripture in Psalm 139 and i've been thinking about it a lot.

search me.
try me.

i see this verse ultimately as a prayer of humility. God already knows...He doesn't need to search or see.
However, WE must.

we must search ourselves, test our ways, and know our thoughts and we must give them to God. there are a lot of things that i try and hide from God: shame, guilt, fear, doubt...
But if I'm honest, God doesn't have to search me to find it. He knows. But when I ask for HIS help, then and only then can i find healing. only then can i truly repent about my struggles. only when i'm humble will i be lifted up.

i've grown a lot.
but i've also been humbled a lot.
i'm slowly letting go of pride and trusting God to work in me.
is it easy? no.
i still have a strong natural inclination to do it my way.
but the more i truly ask God to search me, the closer i will be to him.
only when i say "God, i give you control" will he lead me into the way everlasting.

are there things that you're trying to hide from God?
in my life, there are things that i tried to do my way. but be encouraged that when you surrender those things to him, He will begin to work mightily in them.

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