i took a few minutes to be truly vulnerable in prayer today.
as i was driving to church, i was thinking about a question that was asked on the way to SHE Retreat. mel, courtney, danyelle, and i were asking each other questions to get to know each other and someone asked me what my "dream job" was.
at the time, i think i responded "i don't know." and i probably made a comment about my current job.
but if i'm really honest.
i know what my dream job is now.
and my current position isn't it.
what i'm doing now is something i like.
but it's certainly not "the dream".
my job is great and i'm immensely blessed to have it.
i would honestly go to so far to say that this would've been the dream last year.
but something's definitely changed in my heart recently.
i posted this quote last night on Facebook from The Reason For God by Tim Keller:
Identity apart from God is inherently unstable. Without God, our sense of worth may seem solid on the surface, but it never is ... A life not centered on God leads to emptiness. Building our lives on something besides God not only hurts us if we don't get the desires of our hearts, but also if we do. (170-171, 173)
while my job is not my identity, and i certainly hope it doesn't become that, i also realize that it's not fulfilling me the way i envisioned it would a few months ago. last year, i desired a job like what i have now. and i got it. but i want my life to be so much more than it is right now.
i know that God is going to bring me through this period of wondering how everything will work out for His glory and wondering if i will ever find true peace about what i'm doing now. i don't really know if i'll ever be able to achieve my "dream job", but i know that i have to trust God in whatever His plans are for me.
and that's hard. super hard, in fact.
i want so hard to just push my "dream job" fantasies aside and accept that it will never happen. but i know that God is able to do "immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine" (Ephesians 3:20).
so i prayed boldly about this this morning.
and i'm continuing to pray boldly even now.
i need peace in my life.
this is very hard, but i'm glad that i was able to finally be honest with myself.