Sunday, May 1, 2011

i'm in a glass case of emotionnnnnnn

inspiration: the infamous line from Anchorman...

my myers-briggs personality type is ISFJ - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging.
i've read the description "introverted sensing, extroverted feeling".
and when it comes to feeling, i'm almost off the end of the spectrum for the "feeling" side.
i'm driven much by my emotions and the things i value.
relationships (and my desire for such) is no different.

i've been struggling immensely and asking for prayer from small group and other mentors for peace in this area of my life. i've been trying of my own accord to make these feelings of desire for a relationship just "go away". but i realize more and more every day that i can't do it on my own!

God placed these desires in my heart.
When he created Eve, he created her to be a companion to Adam. to complete Adam.

"The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'" (Genesis 2:18)

God brought all the animals and beasts he created, but that was not suitable for him. that's when he put Adam into a slumber and created Eve from his rib. just for Adam, God created Eve.

i am no different. my "Adam" is out there somewhere and my desire is to "complete" him.
i shouldn't just want that desire to "go away".
but what i should do is trust God in the plans He has to fulfill that desire.

i read an article a couple weeks ago from Jon Acuff: Hiding the things that hurt (check it out!)
he referenced a verse in Psalm 103 (Psalm 103:5, to be exact) about praising God "who satisfies your desires with good things" and also Romans 8:28 "and we know in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose".

i have to be intentional about reminding myself that i'm not in control - God is!
i have to be intentional about reminding myself the truth of Romans 8:28 - God uses ALL things for my good.

i was reminded of a scripture this morning that brought all of this into perspective.

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:7-11)

God WANTS to bless me. but on His timetable.
God WANTS to give me good gifts. but only in their proper time.
He's not going to place this desire in my heart if He doesn't intend to fulfill it.
i have to trust that if i have this desire in my heart that He is going to meet it.
i have to trust that even though i'm hurting now, God WILL meet my deepest desires.

Jon Acuff put it beautifully:
"So when I experience something that hurts, an expectation that was unmet, maybe what I should think is, 'If that felt good at first and that's not the thing that God has planned for me, how amazing is that thing going to be?'"

it's hard to be patient when the selfish/emotional part of my heart is aching with desire for companionship and the selfless/Christ-pursing part of my heart is yelling "Jeremiah 29:11! Jeremiah 29:11!! Jeremiah 29:11!!!"
but i know that in all things, God is working for my good because i love him and have been called according to his purposes.

and i may be trapped in a glass case of emotion right now.
but i imagine that some day i'll be stuck in a pit with hungry bears and my one true love will sacrifice his chance at being seen by a network talent scout to idiotically jump into the bear pit and wake up the bears and then his dog (who we thought died) will come and save the day!
and we will live happily ever after as co-anchors of the world news center: "Stay Classy, Planet Earth"

(i realize i kind of switched roles since Ron was the one stuck in the glass case of emotion and Veronica was in the pit with the bears. but ignoring that character-switch, i hope you enjoyed the random Anchorman reference ;))

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