inspiration: Asking, Seeking, Knocking.
God knows me.
He knows my heart.
He knows my every thought.
and most of all He knows His plans for me.
and that is a great comfort to me. but also a burden.
i'm not a particularly good prayer. i tend to ramble sometimes without really making my point.
but sometimes, i get bold. i'm like "God, let me be real. i want (fill in the blank)."
but at what point are my (fill in the blanks) "too much"??
i mean, i know in my heart of hearts that nothing is ever too big or too small for God. He created the universe and every star and every person and spoke them into being. But He also cares about the details, the number of hairs on my head. He carried my burdens and died for my sins, but is still walking with me through His spirit.
He knows all.
but what i struggle with and what i'm so concerned about now is how should i pray?
in the summer of 2010, i wrote in my prayer journal (which is funny because i forgot i had even written it until about a week ago when i started writing in my prayer journal again) for a chance to get to know a certain person. i remember thinking "i really do want to meet this person and to really get to know them", but i forgot i had written it down. the same person was written down for a few more days, but after about a week or so, i guess i just felt silly for writing it and stopped or i felt guilty about being selfish in wanting a relationship when there were bigger issues going on at the time. who knows why i stopped...all i know is i did.
but, lo and behold, that opportunity came several months later, pretty much out of nowhere. God is awesome about that kind of stuff. so, a prayer was seemingly answered. obviously not on my timetable, though, and obviously not because i was particularly praying for it at the time.
but now i'm in this strange boat...
God answered a prayer before - even when i felt silly about it. even when my intentions at the time were more self-centered than Christ-centered. He answered it in an unexpected and totally God-glorifying way.
but what if i have a similar prayer now? what if it's something i feel silly asking for? but when i truly pray for it, i feel like it's more out of self-ambition than something that could really be used for the Kingdom?
how do i pray knowing that i'm praying based on selfish desire??