Sunday, March 20, 2011

some random thoughts.

inspiration: random thoughts from over the last couple days.

i haven't blogged much lately.
i just haven't had a lot on my heart to fully commit myself to writing about.
but i miss sharing my thoughts on here. sometimes, blogging is just *cathartic* and even if no one ever reads it, it helps to at least get it off my chest.

but here are a few random things that i've thought about...

  • personal growth
  • i'm an ISFJ according to the Myers-Briggs Personality Assessment. and that's pretty accurate portrait of me, for sure. Portrait of an ISFJ basically, for me, i'm very much a "follower". give me something to do and i'll do it. usually without conflict. but make me lead, and boy, it's a completely different story! in my job, i am basically THE "sales database" person. if something needs to be fixed, i'm the one who has to fix it. if something needs to be added, i'm the one adding it. and now, i'm taking on this MASSIVE project. and instead of it being fixed or added, a lot of it is dealing with creation of something completely new. and i have to basically design it. the latter half of last week, i spent doing a lot of, what i guess is called, "strategic planning". looking at the BIG picture. and i'll continue to do the same for the first part of this week. i'm not worrying about coding or programming yet (which is what i'm kind of "wired" to think about). it's all about the BIG PICTURE. it's been a very hard and slightly frustrating time, but i know that this is a prime opportunity for some personal growth so i'm going to try and stay positive about everything and know that in the end, i'll be a better programmer because of this time spent outside my comfort zone.
  • more faith, less legalism
  • in both my walk with Christ and my fitness, i'm often far too legalistic. i'm often far too much about the rules and the "to-do's" than i am about the reason why i do it. i read my Bible. because i'm supposed to. i pray. because i'm supposed to. i run three times a week. because that's what i've set up for myself to do. i don't like to miss runs because if i do, i feel like i've messed up. in both situations, i miss the entire point of grace. i miss *why* i do it. i feel like lately, i've been spiritually "dry". probably because i make a big deal about doing things rather than about Christ himself. i've definitely been living a self-centered gospel rather than a Christ-centered Gospel lately, so i definitely need prayers to overcome my pride. this morning, i decided to take a simple but difficult step of faith. it wasn't comfortable, by any means. but i know that God will take care of me through this.
    "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:19
    running-wise, yesterday was the first Saturday I haven't run in months (except when I was travelling to and from Costa Rica back in January). it was a weird feeling. i kept thinking all day, "I didn't run. I didn't walk. I'm not going to be ready for the half-marathon, even if I walk the whole thing." ... it was an all-day thought. and i just had to finally remember: it doesn't matter. i'm not bound to a "running schedule", nor should i be. i should run because i love to run. not because someone (in this case, me) is making me run. i shouldn't be bound by a set of rules and expectations. i shouldn't allow myself to be bonded.
    "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." -Galatians 5:1
    Christ wants me to experience freedom in Him. Therefore, I need to allow myself to experience the freedom He offers me!
  • relationships
  • i probably blog more about relationships than anything else. because it's something that i struggle with most. it's something i try and control myself. so i'll leave this particular blurb pretty short and just say this: i struggle with praying prayers to God trying to convince Him to bring my future husband into my life. i'm very guilty of trying to convince God that i even know WHO this person is and listing the reasons why it should be him. pretty lame, i know. but it's true. God has brought so many people into my life at the right time and He has had His hand in countless friendships. So who am I to believe that it will be any different with my future husband?? God knows best. He knows everything.

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