Thursday, March 31, 2011

rollercoasters and sovereignty.

inspiration: tonight's sermon at theWell.

i love Thursdays.
for the simple fact that i know that on a typical Thursday night, i will be at theWell, surrounded by other believers my age and that we will be worshiping our Almighty Creator together :)
tonight was definitely no exception.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

disillusioned.

inspiration: i've had very strong convictions about this topic for a while now; i've expressed it in conversation with a couple close friends, but never really had the words to put it into a blog. but now i feel like God has given me the words to express my convictions, so here i am to write about something i'm passionate about: love.

i love Jesus.
i love my parents.
i love my friends.
i love sweet tea.
i love massages.
i love sunsets.
i love bananas.
i love making lists...

...you get the picture, there are a lot of things i love and i have no problem listing them. but i think you would agree with me that my love for Jesus and my love for sweet tea are two completely things: one is based on a relationship, trust, and commitment and the other is based on feelings and emotions.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

coming back to the heart of worship.

inspiration: Christy Nockels concert

tonight was so much fun!
after battling ridiculous North Charleston traffic, i met up with my friend from church, Mel, at Chick-Fil-A and then rode with her to a church in North Chas for a Christy Nockels concert. Best $5 I've spent in a long time! It was a wonderful time of worship.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

some random thoughts.

inspiration: random thoughts from over the last couple days.

i haven't blogged much lately.
i just haven't had a lot on my heart to fully commit myself to writing about.
but i miss sharing my thoughts on here. sometimes, blogging is just *cathartic* and even if no one ever reads it, it helps to at least get it off my chest.

but here are a few random things that i've thought about...

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

i wanna be extraordinary.

Inspiration: Twelve Extraordinary Women

I've been reading through "Twelve Extraordinary Women" by John MacArthur and reading through the lives of these women, some of whom have only a few verses written about them, others who are true matriarchal legacies.

But nonetheless, I am astounded by the diversity of women that have been used by God to multiply His ministry. I am but one person, but I pray that through my life, others will see what my life is about.

I don't want to make it about my job.
I don't want to make it about money.
Or adventures.
Or things.

None of that compares to the ultimate joy of having Christ in my heart! Circumstances change, but I pray that I am steadfast and extraordinary in service to my Lord and Savior! :)

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

"have i won monopoly to forfeit my soul..."

inspiration: Switchfoot's song "Company Car"

last week, i bought Switchfoot's "Best Yet" album.
i'm absolutely in LOVE with the song "Company Car", basically describing this man who isn't happy with what he has, even though he seemingly has everything he could ever want.

Chorus:
"I've got the company car
I'm the one swinging at two below par
Yeah, I've become one with the ones
That I've never believed in
But I've got the company car"

Saturday, March 12, 2011

a beautiful letdown

Inspiration: listening to switchfoot and embracing the experience of walking my first half-marathon!

Basically, I love running. I'm not particularly good at it, but I enjoy it. Enough to have stuck with it for over 7 months and to have done 8 races :)

I was in the midst of training to run my first marathon in 5 weeks. But a couple weeks ago, my first hurdle occured: ankle pain! I tried remedying it with new shoes and a few days of rest. But now, three weeks and a new pair of shoes later, my pride finally surrendered: I'm not running my half marathon. I will instead be walking it. With confidence.

Sure, I could endure 13 miles of pain, but at what cost? What if I truly do injure myself far worse? Would it be worth it? Probably not.

What do I have to lose if I walk it? Will people really judge me if I say "I walked my half" rather than say "I ran my half"? Doubtful. And I think that's what I feared most. Being judged for walking. Pretty lame, I know.

My pride is such a stumbling block to my walk of faith.
And realizing I can't run this half-marathon has been a beautiful letdown. But I've finally come to a place where I can be HAPPY about walking 13.1 miles in a few weeks! Not only am I incredibly blessed to be able to walk, but I am rejoicing in the opportunity! It will be pretty awesome that's for sure!!

And maybe, when I make time to go to a specialist and see what's going on with my ankles and get proper treatment, maybe ill be able to step up again and pursue running a half-marathon again.

But until then, I embrace my beautiful letdown.
And walk with confidence rather than shame! :)

Friday, March 11, 2011

night and day.

inspiration: still processing...

so, this time last week, i was a hot. stress. mess.
there are no other words. i was at the end of my rope and frustrated and lonely and doubtful.

this week has been a complete 180 from that.
i haven't been as stressed or frustrated with myself.

it really is like night and day.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

loving me.

inspiration: learning to embrace where i am and who i am

it's often said that no one can truly love you until you love yourself.
this is true, except for when it comes to God. God loves us no matter what.
He knows us. He knew us before the world was made. He created us and He loves us above all.
He knows my strengths. My weaknesses. My imperfections. My flaws. Everything.
in fact, it's all part of His plan.

being still.

inspiration: i have spiritual ADD

if you know me at all, you probably know that i'm always doing something.
working. running. going on some sort of adventure. reading. blogging.
very rarely am i just sitting and being still.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

beautifully broken.

inspiration: a day at the beach with my amazing friends :)

katie and tabitha are visiting me on their spring break! (oh, how i miss having one of those...)
we spent a few hours down at Folly Beach today. it was absolutely gorgeous out, but despite this fact, the Atlantic Ocean was FREEEEEEZING!

Folly Beach has a TON of seashells lining the beach.
i'm not really big on collecting seashells or anything, but tab-tab and katie are! and they proceeded to collect a walmart bag full of them.

if i'm looking at shells, i'm looking for pretty ones that are in pristine condition. it's not that they're not pretty (after all, they're God's creation, too), that's just naturally what draws my eyes.

but the more i looked for the "good ones", the more i missed seeing the beautiful broken ones. it really got me thinking about how God sees us and still uses us.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I gotta be honest....

Inspiration: gotta get some monkeys off my back...

Okay, I've gotta be straight.
I don't know why I'm here...(Charleston, that is...)
I'm not where I want to be...emotionally, spiritually, mentally, financially, anything...

First off, let me just say this: I'm incredibly blessed!
I am thankful for everything I have, but it's honestly not enough...

I like my job. But I'm not in love with it.
It doesn't make me as happy as I wish it did.
If anything, it stresses the mess out of me. Sure, I'm still learning, but with every new project and responsibility, I feel like a fish out of water...floundering like a ... well, fish out of water...

I had hoped peace would come, but it hasn't.
The stress comes and it hasn't seemed to subside much.

Yes, it's a wonderful job.
Yes, it's a wonderful company.
Yes, it's a wonderful place - Charleston!
Yes, it pays the bills with money left over for adventures.

But if I'm not at peace, what do the adventures and money mean? Certainly, not happiness.

So what do i do now??
Maybe, this is just a phase God is using to strengthen me...maybe it's not...
All I know is I'm tired of faking peace and happiness I don't have...

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Beauty in the silence.

Inspiration: I've been feeling distant from God...

Lately, I've felt like my heart has been away from God. I went from having a week of strong connection with God to complete silence...

I feel like I haven't been honest with God. It's like I'm afraid to ask him. After all, he tells us to "Ask, Seek, Knock" and if it is in accordance with His will, He will bless us. I feel like I'm just being selfish in all my prayers and I'm seeking things for myself instead of seeking Christ.

I guess that's the beauty of silence. It makes us re-evaluate our relationship. It forces us to draw closer to Him. Unless we want to walk in darkness, we must seek the light. And He is just the light I need and His is the voice I need to hear in this silence...