Saturday, February 5, 2011

for those who wait.

inspiration: my hardest battle.

patience may be a virtue.
but it's the hardest battle i fight.

paychecks.
relationships.
adventures.
relationships.
for "life" to start.
relationships.

it's like a constant battle. especially in relationships (in case the presence on the list three times wasn't clue enough).

not gonna lie, i wish i was in "a relationship".
i wish i had a "special someone".

after battling a lot of self-esteem, self-control, and a whole mess of other issues in regards to a past heartbreak, i stand firm in my decision to not mutually-exclusively "date" or make anything "Facebook official" until i KNOW that it's the right person. it's just where my heart is and it's best for my relationship with Christ.

while it would seem like making such a firm decision would make it easier to deal with singleness, the truth is, it doesn't. at least not for me.
it doesn't make spending another valentine's day alone any easier.
it doesn't make watching movies where the protagonists fall in love any easier.
it doesn't make seeing pictures and reading about people getting engaged/married any easier.
it makes it much more difficult.

while i strive so hard to keep my mind focused on other things and to be more rational and less emotional, i can't always avoid feeling lonely. work can only occupy my mind for so long. i can only go and go and go and go for so long before the loneliness factor sets in.

i guess it's in these times, i need to cling to Christ more than ever.
i need to let Him fill my heart and my life and to fulfill the desires of my soul.
He is faithful.
He is good.
He knows the plans He has for me.

i must simply forfeit my impatience to him.
for His plans will come to fruition by His perfect timing.
it will be well worth the wait.

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