Tuesday, November 2, 2010

restless and weary.

inspiration: i need a change of scenery. a change of pace. or a change of heart.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:34

i would do well to take the advice i share with others.
i need to heed the advice of Scripture.
i need to trust in God to comfort and provide for me.
i'm impatient and restless sometimes. and i don't really know what "triggers" it.

like now, i'm impatient and restless about this Southwest Internship.
i'm struggling to get over the fact that i still miss my ex. i feel like i should be over it by now, but something still tugs at my heartstrings...

if i'm being honest with myself and others, as much as i say that "i'm ready to date" or "i just want to meet my future husband", i know that i'm really truly not ready. i still have a lot to overcome and to let go of.

sure, i miss my ex and i guess it's natural to have a sense of attachment to your first love; but i can't help but worry about the extent of mine. will i ever overcome it? will i ever be able to fully let go of the past, let bygones be bygones (whatever the heck that means...)? i worry that i won't be able to. i know it's lame, i know i'm only 21. but the thought still worries me.

another worry of mine is the future.
i feel like i've always known what i wanted to do without ever knowing what i wanted to do.
i've always known that after graduation, i would work. it's just my inclination.
no grad school, no research. just practical application for what i've learned.
my "dream" was to get a job around here (clarksville, nashville, franklin, middle tn...somewhere close); but the more i think about it and the more i hear "live while your young and don't have attachments", the more i don't want to settle.

granted, getting a job in nashville is not settling by any means. i would still be blessed beyond measure to have that. but if given the opportunity to go somewhere else (like Dallas, for instance, for that Southwest Internship), i would take that over nashville in a heartbeat (ask me if i would've said the same thing about two months ago, and i would've said "no, nashville is the place for me").

i just need to surrender my worries and anxieties to God.
i need to trust in His path and His plans for me rather than create my own.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -Matthew 11:28

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps." -Proverbs 16:9

1 comment: