Thursday, June 17, 2010

whats my motivation?

inspiration: my tendency to get big-headed.

i like compliments. i like to be praised. i like being respected by others.
no doubt about that.

but sometimes, i think all of that gets to my head. i get so used to thinking that people see me a certain way, that sometimes my head swells and i just become one huge ego. i like attention, but sometimes i like it too much and i crave it too much.

i get very settled and very comfortable in my routine. i start striving to do things for me; i start thinking about doing things and i have to question my motives: "How will what I do benefit others? Am I doing this because it's something I feel God calling me to do or is it something that I am doing selfishly?" it's a constant battle to keep my motives in check.

this is very common in my spiritual life, i've found. God has blessed me with certain gifts; but i'm always afraid that i will misuse them. i love sharing my story and sharing my experiences, but i'm afraid that sometimes i am talking more about myself than i am about God.

i don't ever want anything i do to become "Oh look at me and at what I did!" I would much rather it be "Look what God blessed me with the strength and ability to do."

It's not about me. It's about Him.
I have to continually ask for strength to look beyond my selfish needs. I have to continually ask myself "What's my motivation?"

1 comment:

  1. I totally understand your feelings... enjoyed the read!