Sunday, March 28, 2010

i am worth it.

inspiration: epiphany.

So driving back to Clarksville, I realized that Day Three didn't work out as well as I had thought. I'm still upset about some things. I'm upset that I was led on and that old wounds were re-opened (for seemingly no reason) and that still frustrates me. So I'm thinking Day Five will be a repeat of Days Three and Four...

I wish I could get answers.
I wish I could understand what goes on in the mind of a guy.
I wish I could just get some closure and move on.
...but I don't have a genie in a bottle; therefore, my wishes are pretty much useless.

I just want a stance to be taken. Black or white. I would much rather be told "I hate you; you're not worth it" than to feel like I'm caught in the middle, unsure of what to expect. At least if I'm hated, a stance has been taken. Don't lead me on, then leave me hurts. Really badly.

I'm tired of putting my heart on the line and letting myself get hurt. I'm tired of being the one that takes chances and risks failure. I WANT to be the one someone thinks is worth it. I want to be pursued.

One day, I'll have a man who WILL pursue me. One day who WILL find me worth his time. I'll be worth the pursuit. I have a lot to offer to someone, but I don't want to be the chaser anymore. I don't want to experience the heartache and confusion of putting my heart on the line for someone who doesn't want it. I deserve to be treated better than I've allowed myself to be treated. I deserve respect and consideration. Because I am worth it!

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