Wednesday, March 24, 2010

feeling worthy.

inspiration: a friend sharing this link with me.

i read this just a few moments ago. i'm a huge fan of Mornings with Brant, although, i will admit that i don't listen to it every morning. so if this is something i missed this morning, then i am disappointed.

Please know your whole life and self-worth will NEVER be wrapped up in any man. God completes you. End of story. (from Nikki's note)

i still struggle a lot with being okay with where i am in life versus where i imagined i would be a year and a half ago. i struggle so much with just being content with the plans God has for me and being filled with Him rather than trying to find contentment in a relationship.

i struggle immensely with self-worth. a year and a half ago, i envisioned my life MUCH differently. i had my entire self-worth dependent on a guy. and here we are, almost six months after that break up, and im still trying to recover from those wounds. and one of those wounds is definitely trust. and unfortunately, that has affected my relationship with Christ.

a quote from Completely His:

(after a reference from Colossians 1:19-23, 28)

"Did you catch what Paul said? You are perfect in Christ. You are holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation. It doesn't matter that you don't feel worthy, because God's lavish love and unconditional acceptance of you isn't based on your worthiness. It's based on His goodness. It's based on the bride price that His perfect Son already paid for you--and me. We are no longer just anybody. We are His chosen. WE are His beloved bride." (p. 49)

I would be lying through my teeth (well, technically, fingers ;)) if I said that these words were easy for me to accept and believe. I still feel like I don't deserve God's love. I know all the things I've done. All the messes I've made. All the times I've deserted Him. All the times I relied (and continue) to rely on myself, rather than trust in Him.

But the fact of the matter is this: Jesus died the most excruciating, torturous, unbelievably brutal death so that I may be seen as perfect and holy in God's eyes.

Jesus loves me.
This I know.

...death on a cross proves that.

So who am I to believe that anyone else would ever be able to "out do" that kind of love?

(One of my new favorite songs about trusting in God's plans, even through the pain!)

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