Monday, February 8, 2010

advice to be taken. by me.

inspiration: Valentine's Day is right around the corner ... unfortunately.

I would do well in life to take my own (and others') advice. I know in my heart that God has a glorious plan. One that ultimately glorifies Him and one that will ultimately bring me complete joy and satisfaction in my life. But I would do well to really soak in everything that God has blessed me with.

I still beat myself up and am extremely critical of myself over stupid things. Stupid things I have little or no control over. Especially it being the week before Valentine's Day. (Truth be told, if the seasonal aisle of Walmart that will be perpetually red and pink until next Monday just BLEW UP, I think I would be okay with that. Lol.)

I'm so hard on myself because I've made mistakes in a past relationship. Too many stupid things. Things I've tried to put behind me for good. Things I've forgiven others for. Still working on fully forgiving myself though. I just wish I could go back and change so much. And I guess that's why I have such a hard time just "letting go" for good.

Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

I'm doing well to guard my heart from others. I'm doing well in knowing what I desire in a future relationship. I'm doing well to really take this time of singleness to get to know myself and to become more in tune with the heart of God.

But the thing I'm failing miserably at is guarding my heart from the past. I'm still holding on to things and desires and hopes that I held before. I'm still holding on to emotions and feelings. It's such a rough path to be on, too. Unanswered questions and unrequited feelings aren't very easy for me to deal with, in all honesty. I think I care too much, but I'm not really sure how to care "less"...

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart.
Then you will win favor and a good name
In the sight of God and man.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge him,
And he will make your paths straight."
--Proverbs 3:3-6

I've quoted that passage before to people. But I guess I would do well to not just say it, but live it out myself. Not just in some aspects of my life (school, church, jobs, etc.) but in EVERY aspect of my life (relationships, especially.). I just need to stay rooted in God's word and God's love and let that ultimately fill me.

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