Friday, January 1, 2010

control-freaks anonymous.

inspiration: Michael Hyatt, Natalie Grant's "Perfect People"

My name is Nikki.
And I am a control freak.

I'm serious.
It's not-so-much a "power" thing (cuz I'm not a good leader or authority figure, in general) as it is a "comfort" thing. I like to know things are going to be alright...and that they are going in the direction I want them to go or think they should go.

...but that's when I get myself into trouble.

In reference to Michael Hyatt's post (HERE), there are things that we cannot control: weather, the economy, and other people.

(Man, I was doing okay 'til I read that last one...)

See. I, for a long time, thought I could change people. But, ultimately, I failed. And it always bothered me. But I realized that we, as humans, cannot ourselves change others: Only God can. Just like: we can encourage our friends to go to church with us, but we cannot make them come to Christ. Ultimately, that's the work of the Holy Spirit. But the same concept applies to our other relationships.

There's a connection I made this morning as I was making my commute from Gallatin to Clarksville. I heard the song "Perfect People" by Natalie Grant on the radio, about how there are no such thing as perfect people or a perfect life. There is a line in the first verse:

Tell the world you've got it all together
Never let them see what's underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while

which ultimately made me think about my "self-sufficient" past where I thought I had all I needed and simply didn't "need" God. Sure, He was good to have around and He sure blessed me a lot, but I could get by just fine alone.

...but in retrospect, no wonder I was so miserable! No wonder I never thought I was good enough...because I'm not meant to be! I'm human. I err. I need God!! I struggled for so long to carry the weight of my world on my shoulders: money, school, Josh, work...and trying to fit all those pieces together.

But here's the connection I made: We're not meant to carry that burden!
Ultimately, it was Christ's burden on the cross. All those burdens I tried to carry for so long need to be left at the foot of the cross. The more we try, the less we're depending on God to provide for us.

"To live is Christ and to die is gain." --Philippians 1:21

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." --Matthew 10:39

When we give up our burdens and trust in the plans and paths God calls us to take, we free ourselves from all the "tryings and failings" to control our own lives.
Relinquishing control is difficult, but I have found that once you leave those burdens where they belong and believe and trust God fully, life gets less troublesome. Granted, we'll always have our troubles, but when we relinquish them to God, we are freed from a "yoke of slavery" (see Galatians 5:1).

Like I began my post: My name is Nikki. And I am a control freak. But I am taking a stand, day by day, to relinquish my need for control and comfort to God and to trust in Him fully!

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